Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Momma Bear


I'm so tired of defending my children from the world. I feel like a momma bear super hero who is looking to go on vacation for a bit. I don't know if any other mom can relate but I'm stuck between two places.
In one corner I have the attitude that when my child is hurt, picked on, bullied or cries. My reaction should be "get up, your not hurt" or "stop crying" ect... I'm sure you know what I mean. This is not my true want to do but rather what I feel others expect of me. 
In the other corner is an over coddling, over compassionate, if my child is looked at the wrong way by your child I'll roar at your kid kinda mom. Which isn't a good answer either. Its the over safety mom.
And somewhere in the middle is me. He falls and I pick him up and hug him. He cries and I don't ask why. I just give him a hug or a tickle and try to move his focus in another direction. He gets pushed by another kid, and I try with all my might to look at the kids as if they were all my own and not to hold one up over the other. But again to take the hurt one and love them. 
Does anyone find this wearing? I am worn out from trying to protect my son(s) from the world while still loving the world. I'm tired from trying NOT to coddle him too much and to let him fall now and then and coach him up from a step away. 
But they are so special to me. How could I not care?How could I just walk around and say "get up, that didn't hurt". I wouldn't be a parent then at all. Because when he hurts, I hurt. When he cries, I'm there with him. When he laughs, I know its all worth the love.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Make me small again.

This is where Ben sits when he is being fed. Recently I've found Caleb getting ready for meal time by crawling up into the seat.

He stands at the top of the stairs with his arms outstretched towards me. I want to grab him and carry him every time, but I have to encourage him to grow and be challenged. I can not carry him when he is 20. And he is very able to go down the stairs safely on his very own. But still the sight of a nearly 2 year old with his arms towards mom is heart wrenching to walk away from and say "you can do it. I know you can. I've seen you do it before."

He wants so much to be the centre of my attention again. Like what is was before Ben came into our lives. He wants the number one spot. But what he doesn't understand as he grabs for my attention is there is no ranking system to a parent. All their children are loved the same.

To one you may relate better. Perhaps have more in common. But never do you love one over the other. Its just impossible. 

But I love to how he loves Ben. He is so fascinated with the fact that he isn't the smallest in the house any more. He's bigger. At least bigger than Ben. And he helps him and brings him things and entertains him. I hope they are the best of friends as they grow up.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Fork and Spoons


How can you not be hungry? 
Have you eatten? 
Then you know what it is to taste and know what is good. 
I have eatten and want more. 
I can not eat enough because the more I eat the more hungry I get. Even today. 
Yesterday I was filled to the brim. Bursting with flava'. But today like after a fast, I was starving again. I had to return to the plate and eat what is good.
Have you eatten? Do you know that you are hungry? Even if you don't know, you are. 
Like thirst, if you don't drink you are fooled into thinking you are not thirsty. When on the contrary you are more thirsty than some one else who is drinking because they feel their thirst. 
Who can say they are full? 
I know where food is that satisfies and yet, makes me hungry for more. 
I am glad I am hungry. Then I return to the Creator for more.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Park Day

 Child Temper Tantrums

There's nothing quite like bringing your child to the park. In my case its a double blessing cause I have two of them. Heading off today we managed out the door with a packed picnic. The weather was gorgeous! Sunny, warm. Hot really when you have a pack and a jacket and are lugging two little ones about 7 or 8 blocks one way.
But the joy! oh the joy on their little faces when at last they see the monkey bars and slides. Yes...the park!.
Like a summer oasis of fun it stands and beckons to children across the neighbourhood. And we, skipping along...well not skipping. .. quickly walking along, return the call.

Oh what bliss to see my toddler climb up on that huge slide. He even goes down on his own, sweeping into my arms at the bottom, and I...well what can I say. Just the best mom in the world for bringing him. Not to brag or anything.

Again he goes up and again and again. By the time he's been up 3 or 4 times he doesn't even need me to catch him. He's got it down pat. Inside I can seem my boy blossoming with confidence and challenge and I feel great.

At one point he goes to a metal play car construct. Playing playing...then to the front and bends down and picks up the wood chips. With a sigh I think...well that was last years fun. But not this year for my boy. He's advanced!
no he's not. He proceeded to pick up those wood chips and find more enjoyment in throwing them at other kids then i think he found in the slide. This went on for a while before I headed over and lovingly tried to encourage him to move onto the slide or some other construct he could find to climb on. Not just wood chips!
But instead he fell to the ground in contempt at the idea. How dare you! I could hear him screaming among the babble.
Gently picking him up I brought him over to where my baby was in a seat and sat him on the ground for a time out.
Yes, this super mom has a notty seat anywhere in the world. I can pull them out whenever needed.
Now to give you an idea of the situation my son has 3 levels of screaming. Level one is more like a whine and can drive me crazy over the length of a day.
Level two is an actual scream and crying and usually followed by a fall to the floor tempertantrum. Common among wee ones.
Level 3 is new to me. It just arrived in the mail perhaps a week or so ago. It is the rage of all rages. It has a volume pitch I don't think I could manage on my best day. The message it sends to onlookers - just by the sound of it is - "Someone has just chopped off my arm or my mother is beating me profuslly. Someone call CAS". It really has quite a sound to it.
This level 3 is what came from my childs lungs. And then the baby woke up and here I was, a beautiful day at the park with two children crying like a banshee and thinking...do i leave now? or start the picnic?

In all hopes to save our ratty visit to the park I quick head to a spot for a picnic. Eat eat eat...done.
Whew. Certinly they improved and back we went.
He went back to wood chips and I left him alone on the fact that at least he was happy and it really wasn't "wrong" to play with them. Just dirty.

But the part of the day that happens to ALL moms is when we have to shout the dreaded line.."common...its time to go home!" And then I see the level 3 scream on all ages of kids.

Off home we went. Screaming for one whole block before he just decided to get revenge on my by throwing the blanket out of the wagon every few blocks.

I love my children.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Hired at YFC

A new chapter in my life is starting now at Youth For Christ in Wingham. I am privileged to write that I have been hired as a youth worker...or whatever the fancy title is. It basically means...youth worker.
Through the whole process they ask a lot of crazy questions, like...what's your worst quality?
Do you pray?
and are you a drug addict?
Actually they didn't ask me the last one because I think that would come under...what's your worst quality.

I'm excited. But in a real "what's next" kind of way. Not the jumping up and down sight you may see if Tim takes me out for ice cream and my favorite flava is served to me in a waffle cone.
No, more in the - lets get to work - kind of excitement. Meaning that I'm reserving my energy for Friday nights.

Honestly, inside I feel like a super serious adult who is grown up and can't remember what its like to be a teen. But I'm sure with all the knowledge they posses the teens in Wingham will be happy to educate me on current trends. They always seem more than happy to teach people who aren't "with it" anymore. lol

And lastly I want to encourage. I'm eager to get encouraging our volunteers. Pouring into them so they can pour into kids. I guess that's what God's put on my heart at this point. I'm sure that will expand as I get to know more youth.

And for the record. Scraping the line..how does that make you feel. :P